The Fluidity of Being

It took about 30 years, 30 long years, to realize nothing is set in stone.

Permanence is an illusion that we are led to believe in, to make us feel like there’s a safe future awaiting us all. But in reality, there is nothing that is permanent. It is all fluid. Things flow, change, and morph into what the situation demands. And I am talking about absolute fluidity, absolute lack of solidity.

You grow up thinking there’s this career that awaits at the end of it all, which will bring you validation along with money. You enter the said career with hopes of finding your feet set in cement, moving forward, yet being stuck. But what no one ever tells you is that when that happens, all you want to do is take a sledge hammer and break the cement bondage that engulfs your spirit within it. You want to branch out, try new things, but you’ve burdened yourself with so many financial obligations, that you just can’t. You literally don’t have the strength to pick up the sledge hammer, the coveted sledge hammer, the shining-golden sledge hammer.

You watch movies, read novels, listen to poetry and actually believe there is that one person out there, that one person who will give meaning to your existence. What it actually translates into is a whole life time of searching. If you are “lucky” enough to meet someone, all you end up doing is shutting your eyes to any of the red flags that show up on the way. That results in you fooling yourself in believing that this is it, the “it” you’ve been waiting for to happen to you. The “it” you’ve seen in movies, read about in novels, heard of in poetry. The “it” you’ve seen so many people enjoy around you. So you accept what is, adjust with the not so great aspects of it, compromise and make yourself believe you’ve reached the end goal. You start to believe that this is what it was all about. From here on, it is going to be peaceful, no more struggle for happiness, that you’ve found the holy grail of pure and utter joy. What you choose not to see is that in the process of believing, you are actually avoiding the truth. Just to force yourself into this mold that has been created by popular culture, you have resigned to a lifetime of compromises and adjustments. You compromise on things and then disregard them by saying that is how it’s supposed to be. You actually start believing that you are only complete when you are part of a pair, and if for some god forsaken reason you fall out, you cease to exist. Like this pair, this state of being, is set in stone.

But too many compromises and adjustments later, when the inevitable happens – do you cease to exist?

No

I know from experience that you don’t. Your mind, your soul, it is fluid. It flows into the new mold, the new structure that replaces the old. You learn new things about yourself. The mold changes and so do you. The very fear that once forced you to settle for less, now becomes your strength. You deal with it, accept it, and use it to your advantage. You realize, being alone is not so bad. It is how we were born, and it is how we will go. Company is good, we need companionship, but at what cost? Does it have to be at the cost of belittling yourself? Does it have to be so demanding that it eats away at your soul? I don’t think so. I have been there, as I’m sure, most of the people reading this have. I have learned to believe, learnt the hard way, that you should love your own existence as an individual entity first, before ushering in an external existence in the midst.

As for people around you- society, friends, colleagues – there is no point expecting a permanent solution from them. The human mind is fickle. The same people who stand by you today, may stand with your enemy tomorrow, just because the situation suits them to. Are they to blame? Wouldn’t you have done the same? Aren’t we all , at the end of it all, trying to serve our own selfish purpose in life- My Success, My Happiness, My Career, My Husband, My Child…..

Of course, when it happens to you, you feel stung and hurt. But when it’s happening to someone else, you give a shrug and move on to the problem in your life. Who has the time to stop for you? Only you. No one else. So stop expecting people to do right by you. Do right by yourself. Love yourself and make informed choices. There is no guarantee that there won’t be heart-break this way, but at least you will know where the pieces have fallen. You pour it all back into your own mold, give it a good shake and witness the next wonderful shape it takes. Embrace the Fluidity. That’s what I have learnt in the 30 long years of my life. Have you?